Dear Diary
by Peacefully Disrupted
Summary: Read the story


_**Dear Diary,**_

_**It has been almost a week since my birthday and Alice's not so surprising birthday party. Edward has been so cold, his face emotionless, I'm scared. I don't know why, he has never scared me before. It's all my fault, if only…**_

_**Bella**_

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_**Dear Diary,**_

_**He left. Gone. He told me I wasn't good enough for him. I knew that from the beginning, him being god-like and me being pathetic and plain. But he crumbled my hopes, pathetic and unrealistic as they were, after all who would want me? **__**He killed me.**_

_**Bella Swan**_

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_**Dear Diary,**_

_**Today is September 23**__**rd,**__** its been a year since **_**he **_**left me in September, and I can not bear to even say his name. Every time I think of him it is like a hole is ripped in my mid section and I have to hold myself together so it won't consume me. Life feels so meaningless without him, school is even worse, the pitying stares and everyone whispering behind my back. "Her? Yes she's the one that Cullen boy left." or "I can see why, she's so dull." or even, "What's wrong with her? Why can't she get over him?"**_

_**Everyday is pointless, I wake up, take a shower, go to school, come home, make Charlie dinner, do meaningless chores and go to sleep waiting for the nightmares to come. And as always the nightmares are always the same, him leaving, over and over I see it. Its killing me. **_

_**I can't do anything without being reminded of him. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't read or even watch TV. Its like he's haunting me, all I can see is his cold, stony face as he said he didn't want me, that it was all a farce, a distraction.**_

_**He said I would forget him, yet he is the only thought that runs through my head, of his beautiful face, his melodic voice, his cold, artistic hands, and nothing else but him. **_

_**Why didn't he just kill me the first day in Biology? Why did he even bother with me? Why did he save me from Tyler's van? Why didn't he just let James have me? I know why he sucked the venom out, he didn't want to deal with me for all eternity, but why not save himself, and his family the trouble and let me be killed. And Alice, I thought she was my friend, why didn't she tell me? Did she laugh when she heard of my reaction to my finally hearing the truth? Did they all enjoy this sick joke? And after all this, why can't I bring it within myself to hate them?**_

_**I guess I should have seen it coming, my God why would he love me anyway? Who would want me, plain, boring, average me when he could have anyone he wanted? I deserve him anyway, I don't deserve anything, I can't blame him for leaving me. Besides he isn't the only one to leave me. Jake did to.**_

_**That's right Jacob did too, he imprinted on some little brunette five months into our relationship, Liana, her name is. She ran away from him to, when she found out he was a werewolf. Though now she's back and they are in **_**love **_**its disgusting. I think I might just put myself out of my misery, or maybe I'll just stay out in the open and let Victoria kill me. Then everyone doesn't have to deal with me anymore.**_

_**Bella Swan **_

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_**Dear Diary,**_

_**I am alone. Charlie was killed by a 'bear' attack and then Renee and Phil were killed in a plane crash coming to pick me up. Why hadn't Alice warned me? She could see the future, why? I hadn't realized how alone I was until now, after **_**he **_**left me I alienated myself from everyone I was once close to. Emily and Sam are trying to get me to move to the reservation with them. They pity me, hell I don't know anyone who doesn't pity me. Victoria has gotten bolder since the death of my father, the wolves can't kill her or catch her, I think that is her gift.**_

_**I think I'll do everyone and myself a favor and kill myself. But how shall I do that? I'm to cowardly to even see blood, maybe shoot myself? Charlie's gun is loaded. Isn't this so morbid, contemplating my own death.**_

_**The last entry of Bella Swan**_

**Hours later, Alice Hale gasped clutching her head desperately, dry-heaving and mumbling.**

"**Oh God, Bella…no…please, God, no…Bella!"**

"**Alice?!" a concerned Jasper cried.**

"**She's dead! Bella is dead, she shot herself." Alice whispered blankly.**

"**NO!! Not yet." Edward snarled running faster that vampiricly possible.**

"**He won't be able to save her."**


End file.
